Don't Settle With Just One Girl...

In a rigid turn of events amid a series of frantic online chatters about what’s wrong with the world, one black woman, six years ago, made a stunning revelation that maybe, just maybe, men were the problem, specifically, toxic men.

Of course, this became virally sad since the men in question were bullying the woman off the internet, proving her point. This is not her story. But it is perhaps about toxic men.

**Ahem**

After ending up in more unexpected friend-zones and bro-zones than any man has ever been in the history of friend-zones, which to the upside, has me getting all the tea on all the vicious men in Kigali; one sentence kept being thrown in my ear every day.

And that's women's attraction to bad boys.

A word so prideful and incomparable even I am aroused by just saying it. Bad boy, BAD BOY! It’s so brutal and spacious, and to my demise, the only thing I don’t embody to finally cease landing in these “no sex” zones I keep falling in.

I am no rebel, not confident enough to turn women on, not brave like these Mister Rwanda contestants, not even that sexually desirable—if you don’t count this one girl that told me I was a million times cuter in person.

Through being the allegedly gay best friend, I learnt that some women, not all, liked bad boys over other boys for a couple of reasons that suggested humankind was garbage.

For one, the bad boys in question are often emotionally unavailable, toxic, and manipulative. Be that as it may, ladies seemed to be into that. Like why would you go for that? They are literally named 'boys'! Don't you want a man? I'm talking to you Michelle. Yeah, you heard me. I’m spilling all the tea bitches.

It will make you think twice before making me your emotional support dog every time men break your hearts.

But honestly, it was somewhat tragic to discover that all I had to do to get women sending heart emojis in my DMs was to read all the Wattpad books available, watch "After We Collided", Will Smith's Bad boys' movies, and "The Kissing Booth"; and imitate Johnny Depp's young lifestyle.

I mean manipulative and gaslighting abusers over sweethearts? Make it make sense.

On one side, you could understand why women choose bad boys. The whole concept resides in their fixation that they can change them. A thing I found completely stupid because the same women that fight relentlessly against patriarchy and scream daily on Twitter how toxic men are, fall into the same trap over and over again, knowingly, and date the same people they call problematic.

What could be more toxic than that. We all know men are toxic as hell, and can’t change for shit. So, I don't understand why girls even bother.

So, to punish them in a sort and simultaneously be able to conquer some hearts, I decided it was time for me to get on the same train of confidence-creamy jerks we call bad boys.

And before you cancel me, though maybe don't, my project however toxic and manipulative it is, comes as a solution to enhance all the advice I've offered the women who put me in the friend-zones. Which was, 'stop loving emotionally unavailable people. You know better than that!'

But since words couldn't help, then action was in order. Hence, the project "Don't settle with just one girl". Pretty self-explanatory.

Let me tell you how that will work. Since I'm generally a nice guy who cares about women’s feelings a lot and often focuses on one lady at a time, I will from now on become the kind of guy that only gives them attention once in a while till they crave it, and then head to pound town.

Secondly, with my newfound oozing confidence that occasionally gets instilled in me by the great fanbase of women in awe of my writing, there is no settling with just one girl!

I don't know about you all, but this idea stands to win a Pulitzer for the best humanitarian sexual movement ever created.

Women are picky with who they want to be with, and often they choose the ones that will break their hearts. It’s one of the biggest problems in the world because people like us end up heartbroken.

So, to remedy this issue and give opportunities to the upcoming generation of nice guys to win, we are getting all dirty and muddy, to minimise the number of girls falling for the wrong boys.

It's the reason why I'm asking fellow nice guys who usually care so much they end up bro-zoned, to join me for some wild unforgettable nights of sex with the baddest of bitches, in honour of teaching them that bad boys ain't shit, and good guys deserve the best and not their ugly cries.

We will do such a good job breaking women's hearts by sliding in different DMs, flirting all over town, shooting our shots in different pussies; that by the time we finish our mission, no woman will root for the bad boys. The city will choke on so much toxicity the air we breathe will be named 'Oxygina'.

Girls will no longer trust each other since we will have hooked up with our girlfriends' sisters, cousins and BFFs. And that will mark the start of a new era. A better one.

There is a risk of breaking women’s hearts in the process, but that's actually why we're doing it in the first place. Nice guys don't break hearts, they pick them up when shattered and fix them. Until now.

If you’re pressed about this whole ‘bagging many women at once’ campaign, DON’T! You know damn well women have multiple niggas too. In a way, us becoming bad boys will be curing both their ‘bad boys’ addiction and their “One man isn’t enough” addiction, while of course having the time of our lives!

**HAHAHA! (Evil laugh)**

We need a lot of training to achieve these goals, starting with the fact that none of us nice guys know how to be rebels. But fear not, we have Trey Songz, Tristan Thompson and Kanye West to inspire and show us the way.

And if women persist in pursuing or falling for the gaslighting, cheating and cocky son of bitches we call Kigalian men, so will we continue to be the threat to all your relationships.

I am sorry to the ladies in advance. Think of this as a necessary evil to help you overcome the burden and obstacles you call your love lives.

Oh God, I feel like I came straight out of a Tay C's and Dadju’s song.

This is a long journey from the last virgin phase, but hey, even heroes become the bad guys at some point.

So men, consider this my official statement that the movement "Don't settle with just one girl" is up and running! There is no good or terrible way to go about it, merely enjoy tons of sex and call it a day.

You will see the results of your astounding work ethic when none of the girls you text are replying. And only then will you rest like Thanos, planting trees and watching the sunset.

But who am I kidding? You fuckers already are doing all the above without even a right cause. SMH.

Take care of our ladies mates. They are the best of us.