Everything Sucks (Titties)

Message of wisdom and hope: You Suck! Life Sucks! Everything Sucks!

In one of my early articles, I made my case that a slice of Pizza can fix every problem. That whatever issue you’re going through, a bite of the crunchy pie would better your situation.

Oh, how naive! Even that side of Twitter “influencers” who can not take a joke is not that gullible.

Life, indeed, is the worst. And you don’t need to look at the big problems like racism or fumbling a bad-bitch to understand this. Wherever you go or do, countless reasons suggest you should end your existence or at least become a prostitute so people would fuck the problems out of you.

For example: Wearing a suit in the office sucks, getting drunk and dizzy off one tequila shot sucks, being out of deodorant or toothpaste when you’re going on a date double sucks, and not being able to watch porn wherever you are because your phone screen broke, TRIPLE SUCKS.

Regulating women on what they should wear whilst I can strip in the middle of a presidential visit sucks. Nah, scratch that. I would disappear the next day if I attempted this. But you get my point.

Moreover, I realised that little misfortunes derailed me more than the breaking news problems. And I know that’s the case for you too.

Because frankly speaking, if they announced there was an asteroid heading towards Rwanda-- even though that sucks--we’d tell ourselves that the government or NASA, or better yet, Christopher Nolan, would somehow find us a solution that involved dick-shaped spaceships off this planet. We’d be somewhat optimistic.

But if you bumped into your best friend holding hands and kissing your boyfriend, Hell would break loose. It becomes hard not resorting to pessimism when it comes to personal issues.

So, in my years of research, by which I refer to me remembering the good old days when I only needed my mouth to live, I realised that life was so great when I just had to suck my mom’s breasts.

You thought I was going to call them titties, didn’t you? Shame on you.

Anyways, back then, everything was better. We were fed, clothed, cuddled, put to bed, and taken out. Much like what ShaddyBoo and her fellow slay queens are about, but of course, as babies.

Sadly, we can’t go back to that period of our lives. No titty milk for you wankers. Unless you're 'Homelander' or Kanyombya, and that's the thing that gets you going.

We can try, however, to recreate those moments as much as we can. How do we do that? I think you got the hint.

TITTIES!!!!

Be honest when you suck your girl’s boobs aren’t you in some form of paradise? And ladies, when a man gives you that sloppy tongue and pinch on your nipples, aren’t you the happiest? So, why don’t we try our best to preserve this?

I know I was once wrong in saying Pizza was the answer to having a happier life. But technically, if you remove the fact that it’s unhealthy eating it constantly, Pizza does wonders. But so do many other things.

Perhaps a good jerk-off, having a best friend (who doesn’t cheat with your boyfriend), a dog, a good movie, and some weed.

But do trust me on this, Titties are way better. Whether big, small, round, or Rick Ross-shaped, size doesn’t matter. They do the work. When you're skin-to-skin with your partner, sucking that pierced boob, nothing can stop you from taking the world by storm.

I don’t even need to convince anyone of this. I see how we all drool at the same time when big boobs make their entrance, absorbing our pain and grumpy moods. They are the real saviours of our world.

Now remember, every boob is attached to someone special. It's not always entirely about the titties, the person who owns them might be a thousand times better. But focus, Kings. Titties don't break your heart.

And I guess if you went abstract with this, you would realise what I’m saying is we need each other. We each have attributes and qualities that could lighten up this dark, depressing world if combined.

So, every Tuesday, make sure you heal from the shackles of Monday. Beg, plead or pay. Just make sure you’re in the middle of some fine breasts. And ladies, if you want to taste other girls' titties, who can dare stop you? Let’s take Titty Tuesday far beyond imagination.

Message of Despair: When everything sucks, suck titties.

As my final blog post to the people of the horny world, know this: Being pessimistic in the face of problems will never help. Being optimistic or even realistic won’t help either. Waiting for them to disappear will definitely not help.

Only turning to probably the most beautiful creations ever to bounce in this world could save you and me. And the whole Rwandan Police station, who clearly haven't enjoyed some titties for a while.

But I trust that everything will be alright.

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I hope you enjoyed my articles, the humour, the vulnerability, and the new perspective looking at what matters. Thank you for coming back over and over again. Even though you got tired and annoyed by my skinny ass using "complicated words".

I know you felt like I was dragging these "ending my blogging days" posts, but that's because it meant a lot to me.

At least now, you can discover other incredible writers or take your shot at becoming the next big thing.

Also, a shout-out to all the girls that never took my words seriously when I suggested they should give me some pussy or DM me for some incredibly naughty time. I was serious, but thank you for not giving in.

It was nice while it lasted. So long, and thank you for all the fish.